Ti Kwan Leap
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Master:
Approach students. Close the circle at the feet of the master.
You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of tae-kwon-leep,
but be warned. To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your
own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now.
Ed:
Uh sir... sir... ooo! ooo! Sir!
Master:
Who disturbs our meditation as a pebble disturbs a pond?
Ed:
Me. Ed Gooberman.
Master:
E... Ed Gooberman.
Ed:
Yeah. No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this
going to take?
Master:
Tae-Kwon-Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever
towards the horizon.
Ed:
So like, what, an hour or so?
Master:
No, no. We have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gooberman,
you must learn patience.
Ed:
Yeah, yeah, patience. How long will that take?
Master:
Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.
Ed:
A year?! I wanna beat people up right now! I got the
pajamas. Ha..yo...wa... wooo!
Master:
Beat people up?
Ed:
Yeah, just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing
bozo's. That's all I came here for. Yo-as-ta-ta-shah!
Pretty good aye?
Master:
The only use of Tae-Kwon-Leep is self defense. Do you know
who said that? Ki-lo-knee, the great teacher.
Ed:
Yeah, well the best defense is a good o-fense. Do you know
who said that? Mel, the cook on Alice.
Master:
Well, umm... Tae-Kwon Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinigar
of hostility. Meditate on this truth with us. Ahhh.... ohhhhh....
Ed:
Listen shrimp, now are you gonna show me those nifty moves, or am
I gonna start waping the walls with you?
Master:
Ed Gooberman, you fail to grasp Tae-Kwon Leep. Approach me
so that you may see.
Ed:
Alright, finally some action.
Master:
Observe closely class. Boot to the Head [boom].
Ed:
Ow, you booted me in the head!
Master:
You are lucky Ed Gooberman. Few novices experiece so much
of Tae-Kwon Leep so soon.
Ed:
Ow, oh, my head.
Master:
Now we continue.
Ed:
Hey,
hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now, come on, are you chicken?
Master:
Boot to the head [boom].
Ed:
Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
Master:
Boot to the head [boom].
Ed:
Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? Ow.
Master:
Now class, we shall return to our...
Student 1:
Master.
Master:
It is wrong to tip the vessle of knowledge student.
Student 1:
Many apologies master, but I feel Ed Gooberman is not wholly wrong.
Master:
What do you mean?
Student
1: I want to boot some head too.
Master:
Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gooberman?
Student 1:
Yes master, I have learned two things. First, that anger is
a weapon only to ones oppenent.
Master:
Very good.
Student
1: And get in the first shot. Boot to the head [half a boom].
Master:
You missed.
Student 1:
Uh, yeah, well ...
Master:
You to shall be honored to learn a lesson.
Student 1:
Ya know, I can... you don't have to ya know... I gotta be going....
Master:
Boot to the Head [boom].
Student 1:
ooo...ya.. ehh... ooooogggg... awwwwww
Master:
Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
Student 2:
Uh, yes master, not a single one of could defeat you.
Master:
You gain wisdom child.
Student
2: So we'll have to gang up on
you! Get him now!
Master:
Boot... [boom]... boot to... [boom]... ht.. [boom], [boom], [boom]
[boom] [boom], [boom] [boom]... [boom]
Master:
And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body, and gaze into
the heart of the candle in meditation. Ahh... owwww....
Students:
ahhh... oooooowwwww.....
Master:
Very good, class.