Ti Kwan Leap

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Master: Approach students.  Close the circle at the feet of the master.  You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of tae-kwon-leep, but be warned.  To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul.  Let us meditate on this wisdom now.
Ed: Uh sir... sir... ooo!  ooo!  Sir!
Master: Who disturbs our meditation as a pebble disturbs a pond?
Ed: Me.  Ed Gooberman.
Master: E... Ed Gooberman.
Ed: Yeah.  No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this going to take?
Master: Tae-Kwon-Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.
Ed: So like, what, an hour or so?
Master: No, no.  We have not even begun upon the path.  Ed Gooberman, you must learn patience.
Ed: Yeah, yeah, patience.  How long will that take?
Master: Time has no meaning.  To a true student, a year is as a day.
Ed: A year?!  I wanna beat people up right now!  I got the pajamas.  Ha..yo...wa... wooo!
Master: Beat people up?
Ed: Yeah, just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozo's.  That's all I came here for.  Yo-as-ta-ta-shah!  Pretty good aye?
Master: The only use of Tae-Kwon-Leep is self defense.  Do you know who said that?  Ki-lo-knee, the great teacher.
Ed: Yeah, well the best defense is a good o-fense.  Do you know who said that?  Mel, the cook on Alice.
Master: Well, umm... Tae-Kwon Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinigar of hostility.  Meditate on this truth with us.  Ahhh.... ohhhhh....
Ed: Listen shrimp, now are you gonna show me those nifty moves, or am I gonna start waping the walls with you?
Master: Ed Gooberman, you fail to grasp Tae-Kwon Leep.  Approach me so that you may see.
Ed: Alright, finally some action.
Master: Observe closely class.  Boot to the Head [boom].
Ed: Ow, you booted me in the head!
Master: You are lucky Ed Gooberman.  Few novices experiece so much of Tae-Kwon Leep so soon.
Ed: Ow, oh, my head.
Master: Now we continue.
Ed: Hey, hey, I wasn't ready!  Come and get me now, come on, are you chicken?

Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Ow!  Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?  Ow.
Master: Now class, we shall return to our...
Student 1: Master.
Master: It is wrong to tip the vessle of knowledge student.
Student 1: Many apologies master, but I feel Ed Gooberman is not wholly wrong.
Master: What do you mean?
Student 1: I want to boot some head too.
Master: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gooberman?
Student 1: Yes master, I have learned two things.  First, that anger is a weapon only to ones oppenent.
Master: Very good.
Student 1: And get in the first shot.  Boot to the head [half a boom].
Master: You missed.
Student 1: Uh, yeah, well ...
Master: You to shall be honored to learn a lesson.
Student 1: Ya know, I can... you don't have to ya know... I gotta be going....
Master: Boot to the Head [boom].
Student 1: ooo...ya.. ehh... ooooogggg... awwwwww
Master: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
Student 2: Uh, yes master, not a single one of could defeat you.
Master: You gain wisdom child.
Student 2 So we'll have to gang up on you!  Get him now!

Master: Boot... [boom]... boot to... [boom]... ht.. [boom], [boom], [boom] [boom] [boom], [boom] [boom]... [boom]
Master: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body, and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation.  Ahh... owwww....
Students: ahhh... oooooowwwww.....

Master: Very good, class.